Confusion
by CommanderValeria
Summary: A challenge fic from the Lovers of the Potions Master group prompt to write an angst/romance story involving Severus Snape. Will ideals from Avery's past and disagreement over Voldemort force her and Severus to break up?


A/N: I wrote this story in response to the prompt: 'Sev and an oc (your own or borrowed if you never made one or create one if you like) are in an established relationship. An argument ensues based on an unresolved issue (feelings for Lily, lack of proposal, whatever) it's up to you what they fight over. It causes them to almost break up (one side or the other thinking this). Angst is what we are shooting for,and romance.' found in the Facebook group "Lovers of the Potion's Master" Read. Enjoy. And please leave a review I appreciate them :)

* * *

"No, Severus. I won't move in with you. I'll get my own place… a job… I'll find a way to support myself." Avery knew where he was coming from, understood that he wanted to start a life wither her, but did Severus understand her at all? She was inclined to think he didn't if he was asking her a question such as this.

It might be 1978 now but Avery grew up in the 1550's, a time when being Protestant when the reigning monarch was Catholic could, and did, get you burned at the stake. If you were accused of witchcraft… things were worse. Stonings, hangings… drowning was a favorite method if she remembered correctly, though perhaps Avery was simply remembering stories about the Salem witch trials in America a hundred years later. After such a long time one hundred years doesn't seem like much.

Regardless her point was simply that if you couldn't even pick your religion there was definitely no moving into together prior to marriage. Not without sever consequences, irreparable damage to your reputation, and most likely life-long destitution.

Avery did not care to court any of those things into her life. It didn't matter that things were different now, deep down she was still that old soul. Living on her own and working to support herself weren't things that would have been relished in her day but they would have been better than being little more than a live-in mistress.

"Why?" he asked abruptly, like his general demeanor had become over the last couple years.

"I can't. I won't," she said, shaking her head.

"It's because of Lily isn't it? I don't love her. I haven't felt that way about her since shortly after the spell on you was broken."

"What?" she asked, shocked, "No! Absolutely not. I don't care about Lily Evans, soon-to-be Potter, any more than you do."

"My beliefs then. Mulciber, Malfoy, and the rest. My Loyalty to the Dark Lord. That's why Lily won't speak to me anymore."

She loved him and yet somewhere along the way he'd failed to realize certain things about her. One being that he cared about what Lily Evans thought of him more than Avery cared about the other girl's thoughts. Another thing he couldn't seem to see was that she loved him no matter what his political, social, ideological beliefs were. She didn't care for them herself and did think that all of Voldemort's ideals were wrong, especially given that she'd grown up in a time when you had to pretend religious beliefs that might not have been your own in order to survive, but she also understood why he felt the way he did. At least in part.

"No," she denied, "I don't like them and I don't agree with them, but I think I understand why you feel the way you do and I love you. I won't try to change you. I'm doing my best to support you. I think you'll do this for a while and then come back to the way we've been living, without your friends, without this need for revenge. I think you'll go back and forth between the two extremes until you figure out how to be happy without one of them or somewhere in the middle of them. People can't live in a constant back and forth, it wears on them. I know that from experience. You'll eventually find where you want to be and I'll be there with you. No matter where that ends up being. I promise."

"I find that doubtful. You'll leave just as everyone left me before," he said and she could see his throat working as if he was swallowing his pain.

"That's not fair. There is no other hidden meaning here so please stop looking for one. I simply cannot move in with you. That's all. Do you have any idea what others will say? They'll spit at me and call me a _whore_. My reputation, my good name, will be in tatters," Avery rambled, forgetting for the moment that she was no longer in the time period when she grew up.

"Don't be ridiculous!" he shouted, angrily pacing the floor in front of her, "This isn't the 1500's! Unmarried couples living together are still shocking to some yes, but you certainly won't be shunned for it."

"You don't know that," she said, shaking her head. So he understood now, that much was clear to Avery. Still… it seemed he was not willing to budge on the issue of their future living arrangements. Deep down she knew it was more than just her fear of living together unmarried. There were things he needed to do, a person he needed to become if the balance between good and evil was to ever right itself and there was no way for him to do that with her by his side.

Oh, who was she kidding! She wasn't a seer. She couldn't predict the future any more than Severus could, no matter how long she'd lived.

"It doesn't matter," she said, shaking her head as if to ward off thoughts of how others would react to her cohabitation with Severus. "Even if that's true we both need time apart to grow and learn more about ourselves, who we are as adults, as people."

"I see," he said, mouth forming a tight line across his face, "I suppose that's that then."

"Apparently," she huffed back. Avery knew that look on his face and it said there would be no more discussing this with him. He was finished, had made up his mind, and wanted to hear no more about the subject. "Well, as there's nothing more to discuss I'll be going. If you'd like to see me I'm sure we'll pass each other in the common room at some point in the near future," she said, and stalked out of the Forbidden Forest, away from the man she loved because he didn't understand and no matter how much they talked about it, they didn't seem to hear each other.

* * *

Avery swiped a couple tears from her cheeks as she stalked back and forth in front of a crumbled half wall, a part of the castle she'd enjoyed when she'd been Dumbledore's phoenix and had continued to enjoy since Severus had broken the spell that had kept her in that form for so long. If she were honest with herself she wasn't entirely sure what had really happened just moments ago nor did she know what it was about. Oh, it had been about a few things she knew, but was there something deeper going on that she wasn't aware of?

"Avery? My darling?"

The extremely rare endearment from Severus was able to stop her pacing and get her to turn and look in his direction. He stood there, wringing his hands and looking unnaturally vulnerable. It meant something to her that he'd known to find her here instead of in the Common Room where she'd told him she'd be.

"What is it? Come to tell me my fears are ridiculous? Or maybe how great the Dark Lord is? How his visions are just and he'll make the wizarding world a better place?"

"No," he sighed, shaking his head, "I came to apologize. I may think that your fears and concerns aren't something to worry about in this day and age, but they are your worries and they are valid for you. I shouldn't discount them. If you'd rather not move in with me after we finish Hogwarts, that's fine. I accept your decision."

"We will have our life together," she said, stroking his dear face, "but not until after this this with Voldemort is finished. One way or the other." Avery felt slightly traitorous saying that, knowing the plans Dumbledore had lain to fight back against the Dark Lord. Yes, even in human form she was still his confidant… and she was seriously considering joining this Order of the Phoenix, but she couldn't tell Severus that. "It will be okay. I'll be okay and we'll be okay. A place to live and a job is all I'll need and you'll come find me when you can," she said, knowing that the day would come when he would seek her out less and less. It would be for her protection he would say, so Voldemort didn't use her as a way to control Severus. Avery understood.

"You are my love, my life," Severus declared, resting his hands on her hips, "and this arrangement may, indeed, be the best thing for us during this time in our lives. And someday, when this is all over, we will be married."

It was the first time he'd ever mentioned such an intertwined fate for them. It was something her girlish, teenage heart had been waiting for. After all, in her mind eighteen was a bit old to be getting married; she should have been married a couple years ago. But now in these modern times she'd be too young. As long as she had the promise of someday, Avery was happy. "Yes. We will," she promised.


End file.
